Forgive me DeviantArt for I have sinned. It has been almost three years since my last journal entry!

For a long time I have been trying to find an analogy to describe the way I am, to be able to relate to anyone that might ask, what it feels like to 'be', from my particular perspective. I am still a long way from finding a suitable description. But one concept has recently been playing on loop in my waking dreams.

Imagine if all humans, like dolls, had stiff necks, and eyes that roll closed when they lie back. They could never look up, never see the sky. In time, even the idea of raising your eyes becomes meaningless. After all, there is nothing up there you can touch, nothing you can take, nowhere you can go...so what are you missing?

What are you missing?

Perhaps nothing, as everyone has come to believe. Or perhaps, there is something, some vital sense of perspective, some celestial mirror that reflects the movement of the world, and shows the beginning and end of any path you and those around you may choose to take.

My neck is loose. My eyes do not roll shut. I see reflected light upon the ground, and feel the weight of the enormous truth that hangs overhead. A truth too vast for me to absorb, too bright for me to focus on, too intricate for me to be able to describe. Still I desire it, but I know that if I look up, my neck will lock, my eyes will never close. I will never be able to look down. I will have an understanding I can no longer apply to my own surroundings, an endless overview of people whose faces I can never see, whose eyes I can never look into. I will give up the beauty of what's right in front of me, for the ability to see into the future.

To look down is suffocating and claustrophobic, but it connects you with the people around you. To look up is to lose sight of yourself in a vision of infinite detail, but it shows you the workings of the universe itself. Do you join the others, ignore the truth that lies above, and try and learn to find fulfilment in that which is explainable and apparent? Or do you seek the ultimate understanding, at the cost of all that lies at your feet, of those you can touch, but never see? Do we learn more about ourselves through understanding our place in the world, or through seeing the effects we have on the people we meet?



People surround you on all sides. Life saturates your senses. But your neck is loose. Your eyes do not roll shut. A reflection dances on the ground before you. A thought occurs to you, builds in your mind....look up.......LOOK UP!