Siamese Snack Scandal

I'm a man who appreciates the past, but also welcomes the future. Progress demands responsability, but it must be made. So when the arguements started to spring up about Genetically Modified foods, I found it hard to decide on my standpoint. "As long as there's choice," I thought, "then it should be ok." Oh how naive I was! It wasn't until this week, whilst I was happily eating my way through a bag of Twiglets, that I made this grim discovery. After hours of deliberation and advice from specialists, I decided to seperate them. It was a lengthy operation, and very much touch and go throughout. Initially we were succesful, but minutes before the marmite was due for application to the exposed area, the right twiglet went into relapse, and all efforts to revive it were unsuccessful. Of course this case has become a media frenzy, and an under-cover journalist, posing as a government Snack Inspector, was able to infiltrate the Jacob's Foods main research facility. Using hidden cameras, he broadcast shocking images of twiglets enduring terrible tests and laboratory experiments. Twiglets were seen being injected with steroids, impregnated with test cosmetics and having human ears grafted onto their backs. But most disturbing of all was the Cloning Lab, the birthplace of my poor siamese twiglets...just one example of the countless silent victims in the immoral search for the perfect knobbly nibble. We cannot, and MUST not allow this type of dispicable perversion of nature to continue. So join me in boycotting Jacobs, and any other GM supportive food companies, and help stop the monstrosities that affect hudreds of innocent groceries every day. Thank you for listening.